Since so many entities use similar strategies and tactics against parent advocates, I’ve decided to try and point them out to you, in the same way they were exemplified to me. Today’s lesson: Role Reversal
I must point out school districts are the easiest example of an entity that employs these repressive, but effective, techniques to deter parents and advocates. However, as your child ages out of school or into the community, you will find organizations, businesses, councils and other venues also use these tactics.
Have you ever been asked…
“What’s going on at home; have there been any changes at home?”
This is my favorite example of role reversal because parents of neuro-typical children also relate to this. Often, when a parent contacts a provider to discuss a concern, or change in their child, the professional’s first question is – What’s going on at home?
Bam.In an instant you have gone from being on the offensive to the defensive. Your concerns have been dismissed without discussion and the conclusion is clear: You are doing something wrong, not us; not our staff, department, agency or district.
Other Examples of Role Reversal…
The “other side”:
- Asserts they are trying to do what’s best for your child, butyou, your requests or demands are standing in the way (tactic used when discussions turn ‘official’ or due process oriented; school districts frequently use this strategy through testimony during hearings).
- Has meetings or makes changes without your input or knowledge (moving you from equal team player to subordinate parent).
- Suggests you think about issue at hand, figure out your thoughts and let them know your solution (this is avoiding responsibility byshifting it to a parent who is not responsible for trouble-shooting in isolation to benefit the problematic party!).
So what can you do?
Be aware of when this tactic is being used and stop it dead in its tracks. Be yourself by using thelanguage, tone and attitude you normally would, but remain calm (ok, as calm as possible) when you respond. “There are not any changes at home or I would have notified you. The issue I would like to discuss is ….”.
When you are in more formal proceedings or negotiations, be careful in your reply. It’s simply best to end a conversation you cannot control instead of falling prey and damaging your case by explaining, justifying, or displyaing unbecoming attempts to defend yourself. Cite evidence not emotion (yes, I know how hard this is).
Don’t let them off the hook by accepting responsibility to fix the problem. Instead, remind them the issue needs to be resolved by them, or with their input, and be prepared to detail how you want this done and when you’d like it done by. This does not mean you will get anything you’ve asked for, but it’s the most effective and protective reply.
The next 3 postings I plan to discuss other strategies I think all parents should be aware of. I would love to hear your opinion, so post it below. Be sure to share your experiences, if any, of role reversal.
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