Birthday Parties for Kids with Special Needs: A Special Way to Socialize

Are you always looking for ways to help your child make friends and have typical childhood experiences with other children (i.e. - fun)? Have you found opportunities for 'real -everyday' socialization are limited or difficult to find?

I did! But thanks to my thinking out-of-the-box (a pun you'll appreciate later in the post), I've found a great way to help my children make true friends and have fun. 

Having three children with varying levels of ability, I certainly see the difference having autism or asperger syndrome makes when it comes to having a social life full of friends, activities, parties and get-togethers.  It simply didn't exist for two of my children; Mitchell, who is 14 and has Asperger's, and Ian who is 12 with autism.

I think the most heart-breaking, gut-wrenching reminder of their disabilities, is when I hear of birthday parties my children aren't invited to (usually my friend's neurotypical children of the same age are invited). 

The disapointment and sadness hits home with the boys too, as they see their little sister (and evil nemisis) busy with friends, drum lessons, and a stack of party invitations to celebrate everything from birthdays to halloween. The boys don't understand why she gets to go have fun, and she doesn't understand why they don't have friends like her.  It's quite a paradigm.

I'm all for social programs and groups designed for children with disabilities (I better be, because I create them). However, I want what most parents want, and that is for my children to have natural socialization experiences that are genuine. 

So when my son's birthday came around, I thought it would be a great opportunity to for my son to experience exactly that - after all, it's a Birthday Party! What is more typical, and fun, then that?

Little did I know having one little birthday party would change how my children make and keep friends.

I was worried though.

I wanted it to be the best experience ever, for Ian and for the other children, but party planning isn't quite my forte. I'm creatively challenged if you will (and short on time).

Like most children with autism, Ian has specific and intense interests that change every so often.  At the time of his birthday, sharks were all the rage, so I knew we had to have a theme party. 

Theme parties are hit with all children, but for children with autism or related disorder, they're an extra-special extravagance because their special interest is in full-force.  I have been writing about and promoting theme parties for many years and for many reasons. 

Think about this for a second: having an intense, restricted interest is almost always viewed as a stereotypical symptom of autism, BUT in this situation, the interest isn't abnormal or stereotypical - it's completely normal, enjoyed by all children and tons of fun.

Similar to using a child's interest to teach, I promote using interest as a premise for socialization (to read my post about teaching your child through using their interests click here).

On the party planning end, having a theme party makes things easier if you know where to find everything you need.  Having a theme also lets you invite party-goers in ways that ensure a higher party-turn-out and lots of anticipation! The added bonus is telling your child what kind of party they are having and watching them light up with excitement.

Keeping sharks as the central theme, I decided an ocean-theme party was the way to go and all of a sudden, my creative block set in.  How the heck do I recreate the ocean? I don't even have a pool!

Then hallelujah! My out-of-the-box party prayers were answered when I found Birthday-In-A-Box (that's the pun folks). Every single thing I needed and wanted for Ian's party, I found on one site and I had it all in one order (click here for a direct link to their site).

We went with the 'Ocean Adventure' theme and, thanks to the articles on their site, I came up with great ways to invite everyone and ensure the kids' wanted to come back again, which they did. 

Once I got the invitations, we made a treasure hunt map and clues that would be used the day of the party, and enclosed them with the invitation.  The kids were beside themselves trying to answer the riddles and talked about it for weeks leading up to the party. 

The party itself was amazing and I couldn't believe I had pulled it off (ok, I had a little help from the folks at Birthdayinabox, but I still did the cleaning up!). 

The afternoon flew by and I heard kids saying things like, "Hey Ian, I had no idea you were so much fun!".  As parents came to pick up their children, I was told how much their child had been looking forward to coming, how cool of an idea the theme party was, and the best part was the children wanted to know when we were having the next one.

It was a greater experience then Ian or I imagined and I didn't want it to be something we did only once a year.

So, true to my nature, I kept on with a good thing and we proudly host theme parties a few times throughout the year and on special occasions (like the release of a new movie on DVD!).

The kids cannot get enough of it and it's never boring.  There is always a theme you can incorporate - have a craft or activity as the focal point, or a movie like we do.

Birthdays are great, but not the only reason or way to have children come over to play.  My teenage son is into music of all types and we're planning a band party right now (we're using the Showtime Theme from BirthdayInaBox! Click here to see it). The kids are getting together to listen to CD's and play on the karaoke machine.  Toss in some snacks and you now have a bunch of friends getting together to have fun; it's not a birthday party or special event, just an interest we're taking advantage of.

These are the kinds of opportunities I want for my children.  I'm pleased to report that Ian has been invited to parties by the same children we invited to ours. 

Sometimes I think we don't have to always go out looking for what we need, we can bring it to us and, in this case, we can do it in the form of a party!

What do you think?  Is your child invited to birthday parties by children outside of your family? Would you be willing to be the 'party mom' if it meant helping your child make friends and have a social life? 

Share your thoughts and favorite party theme ideas below.