A few weeks ago I ran a survey of my members, which total near 700 and I was surprised by the answer to the following question: What question do you have, but rarely ask (no matter the reason why)?
The results came in within hours of being requested and an overwhelming amount of mothers wanted to know about sexuality. The second most common topic was about the likelihood of their children really ever living independently. A few mother’s really broke my heart by wondering if their child’s autism was, in anyway, their fault as a mother. The answer is absolutely not and, if there is a genetic dynamic involved, there simply isn’t anything we can do about that anyway!
The answers that fell in between the ‘main ones’, had everything to do with treatment to causation. There are so many parents that are searching for answers and I’m always surprised by how difficult it seems for them to find support. All it takes is a little effort, this site being a great example, and you can find other mom’s to talk with about these personal issues and feelings.
Of course, it can feel strange to post online at first. However, once you do it and open the lines of communication, you have a venue and outlet to ask the questions you would when you think nobody is listening.
There is something so wonderful about finding others that understand, and I believe it is ‘lack of judgment’. I don’t mean we have bad judgment by any means! Instead, I mean we don’t judge each other no matter the circumstances, because we all know first hand how hard it can be.
What bothers me the most is that this question was to find out the ‘secret’ questions we keep, if you will. I think that the first step in addressing an issue is to get it out on the table, and decided a survey (anonymous) was a great way for people to talk openly without fear of judgment. I don’t know what I exactly expected. I think I was prepared to hear parents ask if they could be doing more, or if autism was really from vaccines… I was off a bit. I expected much more emotionally charged questions to go unasked; not developmental ones.
It’s easy to forget that other people have different view points and questions. Arguably, my social circle is divided into two groups: the ones that understand special needs and the ones who do not. I’m often reminded how different the two ‘worlds’ can be, as I function in both throughout the day, both personally and professionally. The differences are there though and one of them is how freely the neurotypical world talks about their fears, questions and joys related to parenting.
Now that more people are listening, in the same way we listen to each other here, I hope more questions are asked instead of avoided. I hope people become comfortable enough to talk about whatever their needs are, even those related to sexual development which, by the way, is as normal as one can get!
If you have a question that you haven’t asked for one reason or another, I urge you to reconsider and take a minute to post it. It might sound like a silly and over used phrase, but you never know who you may help. Thanks in advance and I look forward to your comments, so keep them coming.
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