I was reading some parent’s stories and this one caught my eye and yanked on my heart…As a mom, I know how much she must of anticipated this special event and the sadness watching her son that morning, but it’s what we can learn from her that is so important.
I don’t know if it was the excitement on his part or pain from two folicitis leisons he has in somewhat delicate areas of his body. Nevertheless, we got into a full scale behavior – the kind that exhausts me for days. Thus, the choice was to cancel the party or risk that we could work through the behavior before time for his guests to arrive. I chose the latter because he has not had a birthday party in two years (the first when we moved the day after his birthday and last year when he was too ill). He clearly wanted to do the party. We went forward clearly not able to do everything we had hoped to do especially in terms of housecleaning, etc.
There were many consecutive years that my son Ian did NOT have a birthday party. We always had cake or a small family dinner, but since he couldn’t tolerate the sounds and people, we kept it pretty simple.
In the story above, I relate to many things- being exhausted after certain behaviors present, having to decide whether or not to change plans yet again due to my son’s condition that day, skipping birthday parties for years because my son couldn’t tolerate them, and worrying about cleaning my house before guests arrive of course! (I’m going to tell her about Birthday In A Box, so she’ll have fewer worries at the next party!)
While not the most remarkable saga, this mom’s story spoke volumes to me and I hope it does for you also.
I applaud her deciding to move forward instead of canceling the party; understanding her son wanted to have his party. I know how tired she must have been, looking around the house at things needing to be picked up, dusted or put away.
If you read the rest ofher story, you’d learn they had the party and it went well, which made me very happy for them!
Sometimes we feel alone, even though we know we are not. Logically, we know many parents have children like ours and they experience similar challenges. Emotionally though, it can feel like we’re alone when having to deal with a situation like that described above. It’s a tough spot to be in – can you imagine having to make that decision?
Knowing Ian, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have a party if he had a meltdown prior to it or a rough day. I would literally have to have his party without him, because when he becomes that distraught, he can’t participate in anything.
I have to say, I might have cancelled the party.Knowing me, I wouldn’t have risked it like she did, so I admire her calculated risk-taking and will try to do more of my own.
It is stories like these that cause me to pause and objectively look at the decisions I make; where am I catering to autism? Where can I push ability and raise my expectations?
What can I do differently – I guess that is the question I always come back to.
So, the next time I’m considering canceling an activity or party because Ian is having difficulty, I’m going to take a risk and see if we can’t work it through like they did. Hopefully, we too will have good results.
What would you have done – cancelled or gone ahead? Realistically; tired, messy house… Share your thoughts below, I love reading them.
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